Downtown Teufort: The mighty Manhattan of the Badlands. The Big Gravel. The City That Never Seeps (the slogan of our campaign to let people know we'd started getting a handle on our world-famous sewage problem). Whatever you want to call them, these streets are filled to bursting with opportunity (and, depending on the weather, up to knee-height with sewage).

Maybe you read that article in Tourism Monthly ("Teufort: It is Horrible") and you're worried about murder, thievery and tramp attacks. Don't be! Thanks to our lack of a fire department, they've got bigger things to worry about than you: Putting out all those methane fires.