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Soldiers continue to hold the lead in the war—but like an M&M lodged up their collective noses, the Demoman refuses to melt away quietly. In other M&M-Stuck-Up-Drew-Wolf's-Nose metaphor news, the Soldier's lead remains thin as a candy coating. In fact, judging from our most recent numbers (4923531 Soldiers killed to 5056134 Demomen killed), the Demo actually seems to be closing the gap as the War hurtles to a close.
For all you conscientious objectors to the war, you can still make some postwar memories to tell your grandchildren, because Team Fortress 2 is having another free weekend starting Thursday night as soon as the update goes live (though you can start preloading now).
As for all you soldiers fighting the good fight in the trenches, only to find the Demo-controlled media back home painting you as incompetent monsters, this update's for you.
If there is a tragedy in war (besides all the killing), it is that there must be a loser. Currently, we all know who that loser is.
Drew Wolf, who still has a red Peanut M&M lodged so deeply up his nose that hospital doctors were unable to extract it. "It will probably melt after a while," they told me. (I had to drive him to the hospital.) "Maybe put his head under a heat lamp for a bit."
The other loser, of course, is the Demoman, who JUST SLIGHTLY trails the Soldier in overall kills. So tonight is the Demoman's update: no Soldier information whatsoever. New weapons? Read all about 'em. New comic? No Soldier to be seen.
Go get 'em, lads. This war ain't over yet.
The Soldier/Demo war has generated more email than any event in Team Fortress history. The number one question I'm being asked is "are you going to publish any new information over the weekend?" Absolutely we are. In fact, here's some news right now: As of THIS MOMENT, there is still an M&M lodged up TF artist Drew Wolf's nose. Drew's in the hospital, and the entire team's thoughts and prayers go out to that brave little peanut M&M. Well, have a great weekend everyone!
Oh, also: Casualty update, crafting, and a Saxton Hale comic about the war from 1962.
A day later, the war rages on—the kill tally is, quite literally, in the millions, and the forums are alive with the sounds of people having good, friendly fun while hurling bitter, teary-eyed recrimination at one another.
You'll be happy to know the Demo/Soldier War has even taken hold inside the Valve offices. Sides have been drawn. Normally cheerful co-workers point fingers and whisper angry things about other co-workers' mothers. It's dark, folks. The police have been called eight times today. Granted, times two, three and seven were was because TF2 team member Drew Wolf kept getting an M&M stuck up his nose, but I think you take my point: this thing's starting to get interesting.
So what better move on our part than to add fuel to the fire? Check out our new Propaganda Contest, which has prizes like a one-of-a-kind exclusive in-game item for use by you and you only, NAMED after you and you only, and bearing your name (and your name only) on it.
Keep fighting the good fight, Sollys and Demos. Here are a couple sprays for you to support your cause: Demo or Soldier.
In the sixteen hours since war was declared between the Demoman and the Soldier, a whopping 2,681,005 kills (and counting) have been tallied. That's bloody astonishing! And it's all thanks to you! You should all be proud of yourselves!
Those of you worried that you're missing prime exam-studying time right now, keep in mind you're now participating not only in the bloodiest war Team Fortress 2 has ever seen, but the bloodiest battle, ever, of all time. I don't want to oversell how big this is, but I am not exaggerating when I say that this war can be seen from space. If a prospective employer isn't impressed by reading that on your college transcript, watch out—you might be applying for a job as a five-year-old girl.
Hah!
Saxton Hale
P.S. Why not buy a Mann Co. t-shirt? I don't wear clothes on my upper body, for obvious reasons—but I hear t-shirts are great for those of you who have been told to put on a shirt (for obvious reasons).
