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Remember yesterday when Team Fortress 2 was on sale for the ridiculous, mathematically-basically-zero price of $2.49? According to the bean counters, we're now broke. Man, what were we thinking? Anyway, in a desperate attempt to move some units, make up the shortfall, and save the company, TEAM FORTRESS 2 IS ON SALE FOR $2.50 UNTIL 7PM PDT! Pennies from Heaven!
"Gee," you may be thinking, "I already bought a copy."
Well, sure, but did you buy extra copies to give away as holiday gifts? Because - thanks to Steam's gifting system - you totally can.
Here's the best part: You can buy a bunch of copies now for $2.50, then when your grandparents unwrap them on Christmas morning, TF2 will be selling for $19.99 again. They'll think you spent almost 700% more than you actually did! It's like you're stealing from us and lying to your grandparents! It's the perfect crime!
And because we're so crazy, for all we know, by the time December rolls around, we might be selling Team Fortress 2 for six hundred bucks. Or more! Who knows? OH MY GOD GO BUY SOME PRESENTS!
The Powers That Be have instructed me to pen another dispatch for you unfortunates. How many goddamn words do you people need? In my day you wrote just enough words to convey meaning: "Secure that damn hill." "I will have more sausages." "This man spoke trash and I strangled him." Today's writing is complicated and has to mean two things at the same time, or it won't win writing awards. Double intendreys. Metafores. If I meet the Billy Shakespeare who came up with that nancy-assed garbage, I will bury my war-foot so far up his ass it will be a foot and a half up his ass.
At any rate: If you weren't one of the lucky few who received one of the 10,319 Ghostly Gibus Hats, you can still get your hands on one by dominating any son of a bitch you see wearing it in the Harvest map. It'll look better on you than on a dead man, that's how I see it.
That's probably enough words. If you want more, go buy a dictionary, and as long as you're at the store, pick up a pretty dress to wear to your Ladies' Looking Up Words party.
The Soldier
From now until 2:00pm PDT, Team Fortress will be available on Steam for the horrifyingly (to our accountants) low price of $2.49! What else can you buy for that price? That's not a rhetorical question, we're interested in all the things we can buy once those $2.49s start rolling in.
Robin "Twofortyninenaire" Walker
Get Team Fortress 2 for yourself or treat a friend.
At ease, you wastes of skin. The Powers That Be have commanded me to write another short missive—I'm told it will be broadcast on some manner of punch-card tube machine and read by the thin, stupid youth of today, who evidently ignored my past instructions to stop wasting their lives and do more push-ups.
When I inquired what this missive should contain, I was instructed only that it had something to do with an upcoming pagan moon worship festival, and that it should be "terrifying". Evidently, the youth of today enjoy being scared. Why? Because you don't know what real fear is. Get out a pen and write this in your poem books: I have personally killed 6,078 men in cold blood while looking them in the eye; jumped on 1,455 live grenades; and stuffed fourteen feet of my own intestine back into my stomach. If that doesn't scare you out of your frilly pink leotards, guess what: You are an idiot and you hate America. The next time you visit your grandfather, take out your ipoot headbuds, pull up your goddamn pants, and ask him what a war is. If you're not standing in a puddle of your own Jarate by the time he's finished talking, you should ask him to start over, because you weren't paying attention.
So listen up! An update will arrive later today. There will be ghosts! There will be exploding pumpkins! You will receive achievements and candy prizes! And by God you will be frightened by it or I will give you something to be frightened about!
Click this link to read more about The Terrifying Team Fortress Haunted Hallowe'en Special!
The Soldier
With work on Left 4 Dead 2 calming down for us a bit, we were able to finish up something we promised you a while back—gathering up all the source files for the character models and getting them online. This'll hopefully let you guys get a lot more creative out there with your fan-made content. (We can't wait to see it.)
We've also gotten a lot of requests for models and props from the Meet the Team shorts. So we're happy to announce we've released the first set, from Meet the Sniper (note that these were made for the movies, and haven't been optimized for performance in maps, so keep that in mind). I've outlined some of these below.
The Camper Van
This seemed like the likeliest form of transportation for a Sniper. Can you spot the pun? It's incredibly, unbelievably subtle.
The Payphone
Because sometimes it's nice to hear the sound of a loved one's voice, telling you they think you're a hired killer.
Beware of Headshots Sign
Sniper was on the payphone with City Hall for weeks after they put these up. How's a man supposed to get his job done?
The #1 Sniper Mug
It pays to advertise.
The Old Geezer
Once we'd added the camper van to the Meet the Sniper short, we thought it'd be funny to have something up on the dashboard. A bobblehead seemed like the obvious choice—anything with as big and targetable a noggin as that would be irresistible to Sniper.
Originally, we'd toyed with the idea of the bobblehead being a mascot from one of the many product signs dotting the landscape of the TF2 universe. Someone suggested the "Old Geezer" from Old Geezer beer, and a bobblehead model was born.
The word "apricot" is sniper terminology for the medulla oblongata, a "sweet spot" snipers aim for where the brain and brain stem meet. Hence the Old Geezer holding apricot brandy. During playtests, though, the apricot reference was discovered to be just a touch too obscure; more importantly, nobody had any idea who the old guy was. (Santa?)
We recast the model as the Civilian, an escort class from Team Fortress Classic and a far more recognizable figure to TF veterans. People no longer mistook the model for Santa. They were now convinced it was a bobblehead of Adolf Hitler. So we fixed the moustache and removed the red armbands. (Above.)
The apricot reference, meanwhile, became an air freshener. (Because once we latch onto a clever factoid, we really just don't let go.)
These models will all show up once you refresh the SDK content. Have fun!
