Claw your way through piles of musty books and skeletons while old people yell at each other about nonsense and get carried off to Hell! That's right, Team Feartress fans— we combined the terror of Halloween with the more muted and depressing terror of a retirement home, and accidentally invented an entirely new brand of horror! Then we realized listening to two old men bicker from beyond the grave isn't that horrifying, so we threw in a bunch of crazy spells you can cast at each other!

Push a corpse-filled cart through a magic-blasted, skeleton-infested terrorscape to reach the infernal maw of a gaping Hellmouth in this Halloween-themed Payload Race of utter pants-filling terror! Just to be clear: You will poop your pants. Also, the police just called: They wanted us to tell you that the smell you phoned them about is coming from inside your pants! GET OUT OF THE PANTS! But it was too late. The End. Of that scary Halloween classic! But the story of your adventures in Helltower is just beginning!

The scariest part about these books is that they AREN'T REAL BOOKS AT ALL! They're self-published! Feel the desperation dripping from their not professionally-edited pages! Written by sad, stay-at-home wizards with big dreams and rudimentary Photoshop skills, these poorly-assembled tomes contain magic spells of unspeakable lethality, nestled in between long passages of copyrighted characters having sex with each other! Awooooo!

From the terrifying depths of the TF2 community's twisted imaginations come over a hundred great items, each one of them an unthinkable experiment in terror!

Mourn them all!