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My radio's bad from the Boulevard.
I'm a hip-hop gangster and my name is Todd.
Terrorising my neighbours with the heavy bass.
I keep the suckas in fear by the look on my face.
-LL Cool J, 1985
Most people only know LL Cool J as a rapper, actor, fashion designer, record producer, and author. Now, though, you can add "spooky-ass Nostradamus" to that list, because we've just released a misc slot item for the Scout called "The Boston Boom Bringer" that pretty much exactly matches the lyrics LL penned almost thirty years ago. Is it a radio? Yes! Is it "bad"? Yes! When you taunt while it's equipped, will it play music to terrorize your neighbors and scare suckas? Yes! Are you a hip-hop gangster named Todd? That's gonna vary from person to person, obviously, but it's not totally out of the question! The point is, there's probably an LL Cool J song that predicts your death. The secondary point is everything we just said about the sweet new boom box item.
We went through LL Cool J’s back catalog looking for other prescient rap songs that described musical items available for the other eight classes, but apparently one of the Ls stands for “lazy”, because it doesn’t look like he wrote any. So just in case anyone out there wants to succeed where LL Cool J failed, we've added a special "Sound Device" category to both the in-game item submission UI and in the Workshop so that you can tag your sound-themed submissions. Make something good enough and it may join the ranks of Aladdin’s Private Reserve, The Conquistador, and the Lucky Shot, all great community-made items we’ve shipped this year that were mentioned by name on rap oracle LL Cool J's 1987 album "Bigger and Deffer".
If you thought the end of the world was the only thing to look forward to in 2012, guess again. There's a ton of TF2 stuff on the horizon, running for their lives just slightly ahead of the Mayan blood tornadoes.
A Secret TF2 Project!
The TF2 team is working on something brand new for 2012. We can't tell you what it is, because they won't tell us, but what they WILL say is that it isn't a hat, it isn't a map, and go away. From this we can only conclude that the TF2 team is working on some ungodly hat-map hybrid that you can wear on your head while you run around in it. You heard it here first. Also last, because they just told us it's not that either. But it's
really cool.
A Steam Workshop Blog!
You might think we went a little overboard putting an exclamation mark on that title, but hear us out: we bought a gross of exclamatory punctuation on eBay, and we've got to get rid of these things before someone finds out how much we spent on them. ($7,000!!!!!!) Anyway, the blog is live! Check it out here for the latest workshop news and announcements! There've been nearly 4000 user-generated items submitted so far, and we're going to keep shipping them throughout the year(!), so head over to the Workshop and vote on what you'd like to see.
The Last "Meet the Team" Short
That title probably deserved an exclamation mark, but we over-estimated how many we had and now we're out. This year, the lovable, indecipherable Pyro finally gets some time in the spotlight. There will be blood. And not like in the movie There Will Be Blood, either, where there was only blood at the end, and not even very much of it. Ours has lots of blood pretty much all the way through. If the butterscotch mint-sucking old mummies who pick the Academy Awards thought Look Out, There Might Be a Little Blood was great, wait’ll they see how many gallons we managed to cram into our movie. They’re going to have to melt down Fort Knox to make all the Oscars we’re going to win.
The Second Annual Saxxy Awards
Just in case the Oscar mummies don’t recognize the subtle dramatic undertones of the uninterrupted blood explosion that is Meet the Pyro, we can always stack the deck at the Saxxys, our own awards show. This year, expect the Saxxys to be much bigger and better, due to the imminent unveiling of another secret. Is it that we’re giving Meet the Pyro five Oscars? That’s not the secret, but let’s just say we’d like to thank the Academy. More specifically, we’d like to thank the Academy’s lawyers for not reading this blog post.
With all the hustle and busty fustle of Australian Christmas, you probably thought we forgot the most important part of it: The gift-giving. Well, we didn't forget. We were hoping you would. But you didn't--you guys are sharp! So get your Gift-Gettin' Pants on, because you are about to get gifts, and we'd prefer you were wearing pants for it.
GIFTED! All the community items previously only available in the Nice Crates are now craftable, droppable, and available in all the ways you're used to getting them!
ALSO THIS GIFT! A free Secret Saxton for every premium account!
DUCK! GIFT COMIN' ATCHA! To acknowledge all you generous souls who've been handing out Secret Saxtons and piles of gifts since the formation of the TF economy, everybody is receiving a Spirit of Giving badge. It's a plate-sized x-ray illustrating to your peers exactly how big your heart is, and consequently, what a good person you are. You—and more importantly, everybody else—will actually be able to see your heart grow over time depending how many gifts you're giving. We strapped an actual decommissioned Soviet-era x-ray machine to several team members' chests, and trust us, the science checks out: The people in our experiment with the biggest hearts were in fact the nicest guys on staff. How do we know? You should have seen how many people showed up at their funerals.
STOCKING STUFFER! In an effort to get the gift-giving juices flowing, we've made every map as Smissmassy as possible by wrapping lights around every rope!
BUT THE GREATEST GIFT OF ALL... was inside you all along. It's blood! Turns out you can sell it! See you at the plasma center! Merry Smissmas, everybody!
The second annual holiday-themed "Australian Christmas" update, features two retro-futuristic “Dr. Grordbort” class packs for the Engineer and Pyro, designed by Weta Workshop’s Greg Broadmore.
In addition to the class packs, the update will also ship 14 new holiday-themed weapons, hats and cosmetic items by the TF community’s item creators, using the Steam Workshop. “CP_Foundry,” a new five-cap control point map designed by Valve’s TF2 team, comes with 12 map-specific achievements.
As part of the holiday celebration, over 50 items in the Mann Co. in-game store will be on sale for up to 75% until January 2nd, 2012. Additionally, the in-game item drop rate will be doubled for the first week of the event.
Board up your chimneys! Bury your milk and cookies in the yard! Load your shotguns and stuff all of your turkeys! Part 2 of the update has been announced and the update is now live. In case you missed out on Part 1 of the announcement, check it out now.
"Wait, which holiday?" you may be wondering. "Australian Christmas? Or Smissmas?" Both! Read this comic to find out what happens when holidays collide! Two special days enter the squared circle! ONLY ONE LEAVES!
In the spirit of Australian Christmas/Smissmas/Your Holiday Here, we'd like to give a few shout-outs to all the hardworking boys and girls who made this update possible. First, a big thanks to all our community holiday item creators. Thanks also to the Dr. Grordbort guys for their cool retro-futuristic Engie and Pyro weapons. If you think they look nice in-game, wait'll you see their real-life equivalents, on sale right now at drgrordborts.com!
