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July 15, 2009 - The Soldier

At ease, you worthless sons of mothers!

I've been asked to present our internet blog-reading public with this handsome collection of avatars, which I'm told you can use on Steam. I don't mind telling you I have no idea what any of the words in that last sentence meant. This is the problem with the youth of today: too much time inventing nonsense words, not enough time taking a bullet in the lung defending a hill. I don't have to know what the hell twitters and texting and body sprays are to understand that they're not the sort of thing men should be engaged in. Like conversations, or painting things that aren't a house.

The following is a short list of things men should be engaged in, at all times:

1. Getting a haircut
2. Yelling
3. Digesting ribs
4. Hill defense

At any rate, enjoy your pretty portraits, Fried Green Tomatoes. Don't cry all over 'em when you're painting pictures of poems tonight, or you might electrocute yourselves.