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Welcome to Stuff Friday! Without further adieu, here's some stuff!
The "Meet the Medic" Taunt
Capture a point. Shoot a guy. Walk ten feet. Think about walking ten feet and decide not to. Whatever the occasion, celebrate it with the Meet the Medic, a custom taunt that allows you to punctuate anything you do, no matter how trivial, with god rays, orchestral swells and an explosion of doves.
The "Schadenfreude" Taunt Pack
Science tells us that laughter is the best medicine. Put that theory to the test with the Shadenfreude taunt pack, now available in the Mann Co. store, which gives all nine classes the ability to laugh at a corpse and see if it gets any better. (You could hypothetically also laugh at non-corpse-related objects, we suppose. But what would be the point?)
Put Meet the Medic… On Your Wall!
Let's say you enjoyed Meet the Medic. Let's say you enjoyed it so much--and especially that one scene where the Medic walks out of his lab all cool with a bunch of doves flying around him--that you wanted to put it up on your wall. First you'd have to buy a big-screen TV. Then you'd have to buy a computer, connect it to the internet, and have the TV play Meet the Medic in an endless loop. Then you’d have to hire a butler to tell you every time that one scene comes up so you can go look at it. And don't forget laser eye surgery so you can see the image at museum quality. Total price: $140,000. Per year. What a bunch of crap, right? Now what if we were to tell you that Valve engineers came up with a better solution? Introducing the limited edition Meet the Medic lithograph, available now at the Valve Store. First come, first serve, folks!
Art
Man, is your wallpaper stupid. We're just guessing, because compared to the new hi-res, wallpaper-caliber Über Update art now available in the Artwork section, trust us, it's stupid.
Dr. Frankenstein. Dr. Moreau. Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman. Any time a physician starts messing around creating life, trying to improve the species with a giraffe neck or two, or taming a cowboy's heart, you can bet things are going to end badly. The moral of these stories? Play God, and there is a 100% chance you will be mauled to death by leopard men.
To that we say pshht. The real moral of Frankenstein is: If you're going to bring a guy back to life with lightning, maybe don't give him the brain of a serial killer. Try a vegan librarian. If you're stitching together animal-man hybrids, how about not jumping straight to ravenous hyenas? Start with hamsters, see how that goes, and work your way up the food chain.
Never toil in God's domain? Good advice if you're an idiot. If you know what you're doing, though, toil away. Why not give the Demo a couple extra livers? Why not replace Sniper's spine with a giant piece of sheet metal? Why not stitch a mouth onto Scout's backside so he can literally talk out of his ass?
Which brings us to our point. Not every mad doctor lives in a castle surrounded by villagers with pitchforks. Sometimes they live in the trenches, where there's plenty of spare parts flying around and a pressing need to get inventive with them.
Let's Meet the Medic.
War. Hunh. Yeah. What is it good for? Up until right this second, absolutely nothing. We'll say it again: Absolutely nothing.
But now Edwin Starr's going to have to rewrite that stupid song of his to something more accurate, because as of this moment, war is good for something. Like what, you ask? Free stuff. March on over to World War Wednesday for all the details—or "SITREP", as we learned when we stole Tom Clancy's mail.
Also, if you weren't eagle-eyed enough to notice, the Scout made a surprise appearance yesterday with a class pack of his own. Why make a class pack an Easter Egg? There's a very good reason. Probably. There's also the real reason, which was that it didn’t fit into our Mobster, Timbuktu or War themes.
Ahhhhhh, the desert. Sandy, camel-filled seductress. What secrets does she clutch to her fig-stuffed, wind-swept bosoms?
Lots. Don't believe us? The Sphinx. Bam. That's just one secret, too. We've got so many we just threw that one away and we don't even miss it.
It's probably clear to you by now that we've been doing quite a bit of research about the desert. And why? We're going to write a book about the desert. The great American desert book. We honestly can't believe nobody’s thought of this before. We are going to be billionaires.
Anyway, since you're probably already camped out at a bookstore waiting for our desert book to come out, why not take over one of the computers at the information kiosk and enjoy TimbukTuesday?
